Ache

Coming back from my two week writing hiatus because of exhaustion and busyness, and today happens to be Friday. On Fridays I like to stop, drop, and write for 5 minutes with no editing, back-tracking, and over-thinking. I’m doing it with the lovely ladies over at The Gypsy Mama.

 

There is an ache inside me and I’m not sure what it means. I’ve had it for as long as I can remember and I wish I could just figure it out. Sometimes I perceive it as a discontentment, sometimes a calling. Sometimes its just a yearning for more, for change, and sometimes I understand it as a simple need to roll down the windows and drive.

This ache moves me, and there is so much I just can’t figure out about it, that I hope I’m moving in the right direction. It’s the desire that spurs me to more– to be more, to do more, to love more, and to hear more. This ache can be so good, so well-used, and it can be so hard and so misunderstood.

It leads me to my passions and it determines what steps I take and I think that I misunderstand it because sometimes I say that it tells me things that I know it wouldn’t.

You see, this is a holy sort of thing, and sometimes I lay it on the dirt of my own desires and call it by names it would never answer to. And the aching is there and it wants to be used right.

I heard once that the place we are called is the place where our deepest longings and God’s holy desires are combined and in that we will be most satisfied.

And I search for that. For the finding of the fulfillment of  my ache within. And I know it will change, and I know it will grow, and that ache might never leave until we are fully dwelling in Him. So I ache for the day. And I’m learning to find it.

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