The past few days, I have been sick– gross sick. One of the casualties from this sickness was that of my voice and it got me thinking…
Many of those who know me would know that my voice is the way I convey myself, sometimes more effectively than others. I convey my passion through my volume, and most days go by when I wish I had talked less, thought more, listened better, and had more control of the fire that can sometimes be this tongue of mine. On the other hand, my absolute favorite way to worship my Creator has been through my voice– through writing and singing and leading. I love the sincerity of our hearts when singing pure and true words to our Maker and Savior. I love the redemption that I am reminded of when I relive the very human moments of my week where my tongue has said things I would never articulate in the presence of Christ himself.
But what’s funny is that during this time of not being able to sing and vocalize, I have felt disconnected from God. And so I wonder, do I like hearing my own voice more than I crave hearing His? Why could I not truly savor the quiet that came from less speaking and more listening? Why couldn’t I relish in the slow-down and accept what my heart needs most– restoration? Because I do believe that some of my most effective prayers are the ones where I stop talking and that my heart is most aligned in Him when I am truly living listening.
And isn’t that worship? Isn’t it that we allow God Himself to pour into us, so that we in response can give all we are to Him. Why don’t I recognize this in the daily life? That if I lived more quietly, I would learn to receive the grace that is His presence, that is His rest. Why don’t I understand that if I truly trust Him, then I would let Him do more speaking and I wouldn’t have to speak nearly as much? That I convey distrust to my redeemer every time I let my words get out of control.
The Lord will fight for you, and you need only be still… Exodus 14:14
Do I trust that He will fight my battles, and I don’t even need to raise an arm or speak a word off of my tongue? I believe this truth with all of my heart, but I, daily, forget who is fighting my battles for me. And don’t we all just like to fight for ourselves sometimes for the sake of fighting. But that gets exhausting.
Lord, let my words be few.