“Give me eyes to see more of who You are. May what I behold, still my anxious heart. Take what I have known and break it all apart. For You my God, are greater still. No sky contains, no doubt restrains, all You are, the greatness of our God. I spend my life to know, and I’m far from close to all You are, the greatness of our God. Give me grace to see beyond this moment here. To believe that there is nothing left to fear. That You alone are high above it all. For You my God, are greater still.”– The Greatness of Our God (Hillsong)
God has answered so many prayers this week. I probably should have kept a running tally, because I’m starting to lose track. I don’t know how to describe how in awe of His faithfulness I am. Here is a story of an answered prayer:
Three days before I left for Africa this July, I was diagnosed with a problem with my uterus. This problem meant that I may or may not be able to be pregnant in my future, and there was a high chance I wouldn’t be able to keep a pregnancy. Discovering this was devastating to me, because I believe more than anything that I am supposed to become a mother someday. I know that adoption is an option, and that is something that Dan and I want to do, but I have always dreamed of carrying a child.
So, imagine the difficulty of our trip to Africa, a trip that was supposed to help Dan and I find a unified passion for our future. I couldn’t tell anyone what we found out, so it was hard to relate at times to the other members of our team.
After coming home, I began going to doctor appointments regularly to see what the next step was, and any options I might have had. I missed a significant amount of class and there were so many challenges through this time.
Over the course of the Africa trip, and the months after I learned to give up the dreams and plans I had for my life. I called out to the Helper and Comforter and asked for His leading. I did not ask for healing, but instead for a resolution that would glorify Him.
Last week I had an MRI to make sure the ultrasound that diagnosed me was correct, so that further intervention could be made if necessary. This week I had a follow up appointment with my doctor.
She told me that whatever they had seen is now gone. There is no reason to believe I will have any problems with pregnancies. When I heard this, I didn’t know how to respond. I praised God, but after embarking on such a roller coaster, it was a bit of a challenge to just jump off! Now I have had time to reflect and begin to try to understand all that God has been teaching me these last many months.
I have learned that the things I set my heart on may or may not be the will of God. I still don’t know God’s will for my life, but I do believe that He has called me to be a mother. It still may not look the way I imagine it, as mother’s come in many different forms. I recognize that God has full control over my life and so the dreams I have need to be of Him and from Him.
I’m praising God for His control and presence through all situations. He is the Healer and Sustainer. He is the Comforter and Interceder. He knows our hearts, our desires, our needs and fulfills them according to His will.
Psalm 139: O LORD, You have searched me and known me. You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You understand my thought from afar. You scrutinize my path and my lying down, and are intimately acquainted with all my ways. Even before there is a word on my tongue, behold, O LORD, You know it all. You have enclosed me behind and before, and laid Your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is too high, I cannot attain to it. Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend to heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there. If I take the wings of the dawn, i f I dwell in the remotest part of the sea, even there Your hand will lead me, and Your right hand will lay hold of me. If I say, “Surely the darkness will overwhelm me, and the light around me will be night,” even the darkness is not dark to You, and the night is as bright as the day. Darkness and light are alike to You. For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, and my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from You, when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth; Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them. How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand. When I awake, I am still with You… Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts; And see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way.